I have lived for two years in a truly beautiful, wonderful apartment.  It has been my first foray into independence and I have loved every second.

That’s not to say there haven’t been challenges.  There certainly have.  Between power outages and smoke machine snafus, it’s been one heck of an adventure.  But I truly have felt this two-bedroom, perfectly-sized, gorgeous apartment turn from “the place I live” into “my home.”

That’s part of why this summer will be a challenge to me.  This summer, I move back into my parents’ house for a couple of months while I look for a house.  You heard right – my wonderful parents (my incredibly strong Marmee and my unflappable Dad) are helping me make the downpayment to buy my first house.  AH!  It’s terrifying.  I’m building up credit and applying for grants for teachers and learning about how mortgages work and OMIGOSH BEING AN ADULT IS TERRIFYING.

I definitely want to do this.  Definitely.  I want a yard where I can grow things and raise bees and where my dog can play and I want to be able to paint my walls and tile my own floors and build and create my own space.  However.  This process of change and of creating a new life for myself in a space I own and am responsible for that costs more than I will ever see in one place is so terrifying to me.  I will owe people money!  Lots of money!  What if I don’t have the money?!

One of the most comforting things anyone has said to me, throughout this whole process was Señora (an old family friend, who we met when she was my elementary Spanish teacher) told me that she is scared every single time she buys a house.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work out, but being scared is just part of it.  And if that woman, an unshakable pillar of unchanging confidence, is scared every time?  It’s okay for me to be scared, too.  I just have to not let it get to me.